I had Schloleotherapy on July 31st. The doctor used Epinephrine in the injections which made my heart race. It immediately went away but I think this triggered some panic. I went home feeling okay but that day my leg started swelling which made me nervous. The swelling went away after I took off my compression tights. Everything was okay.
August 4th I went to brunch with my mom, sister, and niece and had a panic attack. I was just feeling off but it went away. The rest of August was okay. The kids started school on August 15th. They started at a new school this year. I was excited about it and Brock and Kalynn did really well Thursday and Friday. Monday I took them to school and it was good dropping them off but Monday after school Brock said it was horrible. He didn't like his reading rotation teacher. That entire week he was upset about going but I thought it would pass. He called homesick on August 28th so I went and got him.
I decided to sit in on his reading class to see what the problem was. I talked to the principal and we moved him to a different teacher who was so kind. Her name is Mrs. Johnson. I stayed for an entire week in his reading class and he seemed to be okay.
Every day since then he has cried, he has had diarrhea in the morning and made me feel horrible for taking him. I keep pushing along thinking it will get better for him. There is an incredible teacher named Mrs. Adams who took him from me and she keeps him in her class every morning so I can leave because Brock was literally chasing me out of the school.
I started getting panic attacks about taking him to school because I didn't know how the day would go dropping him off. It slowly gets better but it has now triggered a full-blown anxiety shit show in my life. I can't control it again. Its I wake up feeling sick and the pain in my chest won't go away. Friday night I broke down and told Shane how I felt and he doesn't understand anxiety but he was very nice and talked to me and tried to help make me feel better. I stayed up on the couch watching tv all night and got about 45 minutes of sleep Friday night. Shane went to work all day on Saturday. The kids and I went to football. Brock and Brody both had games. They did great. I could feel the anxiety and I am trying so hard to not respond because that makes it worse but it does.
Sunday I woke up and just needed some relief. I took 0.25 of Klonopin from a prescription I had from 2012. I was finally able to relax and I fell asleep for a little bit on the couch. The day was great and the Klonopin really took the edge off. The feelings started coming back later that night but I cuddled up with Brock on the couch and tried to refocus my attention to other things. That night I fell asleep with Brock and Kalynn in bed. I woke up about 1030 and went to bed with Shane. I couldn't sleep again. I started playing a ball drop game on my phone and passed out about midnight. I slept until 5am which felt so good. I woke up feeling great and thought this passed but as soon as Shane was leaving the anxiety came back
Taking Brock to school was okay. He was upset this morning but Mrs. Adams took him and let him play in the prize box. I made an apt with Dr. Solari at 6pm tonight to go talk to someone. Doctor Moore in Midway cant get me in but if they have a cancellation she will call me.
Today I am working and I am so thankful I work from home because I wouldn't be able to handle the stress of a job I had to go into. I am just watching the office on Netflix. The pain in my chest is constant and my thoughts are constant. I know once I start focusing on other things this will fade away but with the physical symptoms it is so hard
“Know that anxiety is not going to kill you. You get better by saying ‘Okay, I’m getting anxious, and I’m fine.’”
