ANXIETY??

I never knew so many people dealt with this. Its such a horrible monster!! Not having control over yourself is crazy.

So let me start by telling you my story:

I started a low calorie diet on January 3, 2012. I weighed 163 pounds at the time. I tracked all my food using loseit! app on my phone. I did really well.
January 3, 2012 - 163 pounds
January 7, 2012 - 159 pounds
January 15, 2012 - 157 pounds
January 28, 2012 - 154 pounds
February 21, 2012 - 149 pounds

On February 13, 2012 while dropping my daughter off at daycare, I blacked out. It was for about 2-3 seconds but it scared me so bad.

Throughout the week my feet, hands and face started getting tingly. The top of my head would get tingly and I had pressure on the side of and top of my head. My heart was racing so fast and I thought I was dying.
I went to Urgent Care on February 20, 2012 and they said I had a sinus infection. They put me on sudafed and sent me on my way. I wasnt 100% convinced that that was my problem. I set up an apt to meet with a Family Practice Doctor the next day.

I met Dr. Goerl on February 21, 2012. My heart was racing so fast. My blood pressure was fluctuating high and low. He examined me and determined that I was severely dehydrated. Ok, I believe it... after all, I was on a low calorie diet and I wasnt drinking as much water as I shouldve.
So, I got some lab work done and went home with my bottle of water. I drank so much water and my heart calmed down but the pressure in my head did not.

On March 7, 2012 I went to a follow up appointment with Dr. Goerl. My lab work came back they found out that my potassium levels were low. I was .2 below the normal range and Dr. Goerl wasnt to concerned. He just gave me a list of foods to eat to raise that level to normal. Everything else looked good.

So I had been working on eating the right foods to raise my potassium level and staying hydrated. I thought I had it under control. Then, I started having issues going to the bathroom. I would be constipated and then Id have no problems going. I needed to stay hydrated and continue eating a healthy diet. I was trying so hard. Unfortunately, during this time a friend at work found out he had colon cancer. It was horrible. He had no idea. So, of course I get online and google "Colon Cancer". Symptoms were constipation, change in bowels, nausea etc.  There were so many but these stuck out to me because they were things I was going through!! I convinced myself I had it.

March 26, 2012 ended up in the Emergency Room with a panic attack!! I lost it. I thought I was going to die. The pain in my back has intensified.  They gave me an IV and some Ativan and sent me home.

March 27, 2012 I woke up with diarriah and I was so nauseous. Food doesnt seem appetizing and I cant eat anything without going to the bathroom. I went to the doctors because my back pain was worse. I had an examination by a different doctor because Dr. Goerl was out. He thinks I have a GI infection and sent me home.

I believed I had a GI infection because the kids both had diarriah as well. So, we all tried to stay hydrated and get better.

March 30, 2012 I was back at Dr. Goerls office having anxiety issues. He prescribed me Celexa. I was hesitant to take them because I was affraid of the side effects.

April 4, 2012 I took a Celexa. I took it at 8pm thinking it would help me sleep and oh my heck!! I was up all night. I had halucinations, trembling, dry heaving, dizziness. I couldnt think, I couldnt sleep. It was the worst feeling ever. My mom had to come to the house at 6am to get the kids because I couldnt even hold the baby I was spinning so bad.

Never will I go on Celexa again!! Now Im afraid of all kinds of medications!!
I was off of work April 5th and 6th. I stayed with my mom April 5th and she helped watch the kids while I tried to relax.

Saw Dr. Goerl April 6th. He said not to take the Celexa anymore and said he could prescribe something else. I told him at this point I wanted to try to manage this anxiety myself. Medication is scaring me.

April 6th started my insomnia. I couldnt sleep. I would sleep for 3-4 hours and wake up. It was a long night. April 7th was the same. Pacing the floors, trying to sleep. Nothing. April 8th I was worried. I knew if I didnt get sleep, it would be a really long hard day at work. But, nothing. I was awake every hour of the night. Could not sleep at all. I went to work Monday feeling horribly. All I wanted to do was sleep but I had to get through the day.

April 9th I really tried to psych myself out to get some sleep Monday night. I went home, took a nice bath, listen to my relaxing tapes. NOTHING!! I couldnt shut my brain off. It was running 100 miles an hour. And what was I thinking about - I have no idea. I couldnt even tell you. It was just buzzing!! So, I took an Ativan and a Tylenol PM and passed out.

I woke up nauseous and on edge. Worried about taking my kids to daycare. I dont know why but it makes me anxious. Im thinking its because a couple months ago a man tried sneaking up behind my car while I was getting the kids out. He scared me so bad and Brody wasnt listening to me. I was scared this guy was going to do something - BUT HE DIDNT. SO why does this bother me? Was it because Brody wouldnt listen when I told him to get out of the car? I dont know.
So, I did things as fast as I could, got out of the house and took them to daycare. Got to work and made it through the day.

April 10th After work I made a plan. I was going to try to have a good night. I went to Smiths got stuff for Spegetti and stuff for a nice bubble bath. I got some tea and a nice book to read. I went home, played with the kids for a bit, made dinner, cleaned the kitchen and then got the kids ready for bed. Layed in bed with the baby for a bit and then she fell asleep. I put her in her bed, took a nice bath. Drank my tea and thought - I was pretty relaxed. But when I went to lay in bed, nothing. I was up till about 10:30 just trying to make myself go to bed but the brain wouldnt shut off. So, I took an Ativan and fell asleep. Woke up feeling nauseaous and on edge again!!

So, here I am now. Im hoping to kick this anxiety in the butt without medication!! I hope to start falling asleep without the need for the Ativan anymore and I hope to get back to normal!! Everyday is a struggle. I get dizzy, I get nauseous, my eyes get blurry all day long. I get pressure in my head and I get this feeling of being on edge all day long. Sometimes I wake up and just lay there praying to be better and then I move and realize Im not and I just want to cry. Ive been bawling all day today... I just want to be back to normal!! I want to enjoy things again and not go crazy when my husband leaves in the morning before I do or worry about sleeping. What caused all this?? I have no idea i just need to focus on getting things CALM!